Writing My World

I am so tired. Being a mum is draining.  I love my sweet boy. 

Tell me what you regret and I'll tell you what you value.  This statement from Daniel Pink from his podcast with Brene Brown (ha Pink and Brown) made me pause. Values work is something I've been doing with my life coach. We approached it from narrowing down values and traits from a large list and then narrowing them down a bit more.  Would they be the same if I 'tell' my regrets? Truthfully, I'm nervous about doing this. I worry it'll be like opening the flood gates. I'm scared of what I may discover about myself.  Both Daniel and Brene say that regret has the potential to turn into shame. What helps shame to grow is secrecy, silence, and judgement. Its cryptonite is empathy. I think I may ponder this for a little bit longer, perhaps create a list in a slow burn fashion. I think I'll regret it if I don't. 

What if my sister gets on the plane in 2 weeks?  What if there are no flight delays? What if her plane lands on time?  What if she isn't jetlagged after 32 hours of flights? What if my son is excited to meet his aunty for the first time? What if we go to the zoo together?  What if she takes him to the park?  What if he shows her all the things he likes to climb and play on? What if she reads him books?  What if they develop a wonderful bond before she leaves to see her son?  What if?

I've had a bit of dental work done over the past couple of months. There have been multiple trips to my regular dental surgery, where I've started seeing the new dentist, and a couple of trips to the endodontist, never heard of this term prior to 2 months ago.  I've invariably been the same person over these 2 months bar the time of day and how much sleep I've had. I approach the time in the chair the same way, but I realized today I've walked away feeling completely different about these experiences. The endodontist made a point of telling me what he was about to do and how he was about to do it. He did this prior to coming anywhere near my mouth. I felt calm, informed, and prepared. He encouraged deep breathing as he injected the needle and his general demeanor was calm, caring, and genuine. He wasn't over the top sweet nor was he condescending as I asked questions about what he was doing. I felt he was treating me--the whole me-- not just my tooth. I was rela...

Do random people from your past ever just spring to mind? Today I was proofreading and decided to start at the end. Weird you might think but a teaching partner from early in my career used to proofread her husband's writing and in passing one day she mentioned she started from the back of the book so she was more tuned in to the grammatical features she had been asked to look for. It's helped on more than one occasion.  It got me thinking about all the small unintended tidbits that we pick up from others or they pick up from us. Perhaps the legacy for some is not a grandiose gesture worthy of the history books but smaller tidbits; pebbles we cast off without a thought, that others find in the pocket of their raincoat on a rainy day.  Thank you Paula. I was pleased to find your pebble today. 

While the beginning is interpretative there's a discernable structure to the dance. Before giving the male co-dancer his leave he  feigns disinterest by engaging with the female co-dancer. She gives her line, and he is cued to return to the former for a heartfelt embrace. Making his way back to the remaining dancer, he readies himself for his final pose limbs entwined. 

No idea what to write about today but I'm committed to this challenge. Post something I've written everyday. I laid in bed this morning while my little boy snuggled at my breast wondering what I would write today. Leave it until later in the day, I thought, inspiration will strike you throughout the day. It didn't. I was busy with chores and my child. Perhaps I'll start a list of things I can write about and then randomly pick one on days that I'm stuck. Perhaps I'm censoring my ideas a little too early. Perhaps writing what's in my head will bring my clarity and calmness to my busy mind. Things to ponder. For now I have accomplished my mission for today - to write. Well done me!!